I don't even know how I got here. Well, I mean if you're asking for a chronological time of events, then I can easily check off each one. Spent my teenage years wishing to get out of my parents' house. Check. Went to college and spent 4 years playing hard and studying hard and counted the days until I could "get out into the real world". Check. Spent my early 20's falling in love and getting my heart broken. Check. Got a job and traveled and followed the dream of ''working in a field that you truly love" only to realize that work is work, period. Check. Fell in love and got married by 27. Check. Have first baby by 30..hmmmmmm ...been trying 3 years to conceive and still counting. Granted 3 years isn't that long, but the lessons learned throughout and the struggles and challenges faced make it seem so much longer. I chose the black blog background because it represents the color I feel inside when I think about infertility. Ok, MY infertility. Yes..I'm only 30 and so far unable to conceive. God! Thats liberating to say..maybe one day you'll see that I changed the color of my blog, but for now I want to share my journey of dark and darker...
Remember when Carrie reads to Lily in the Sex and the City movie, about Cinderella with the happily ever after? She says, "You know this is just a fairy tale..don't you?" Cute Lily looks up adoringly and says, " Read again. " Carrie sighs, shakes her head and says, "Another one bites the dust".
Its true...women everywhere, including me, grew up believing that life is happily ever after. You fall in love , get married and have children. Life is la-di-da-da..but for many of us, we know that its not and hardly ever works out that way. Ok..this doesn't apply to those who don't believe in the institution of marriage, or who don't want children..so please no snide comments..I know I'm generalizing...but for a good certain number of us, the conventional way of life was what we were programmed to desire. The fluffy white perfect wedding to the perfect man- this concept is so relative that they made a movie out of it- anyone see "Bride Wars"? The movie ends with the two best friends getting preggers within days of each other. The End. Happy ending. And we wonder why it is the norm for us women to believe we have to always be racing...first its the race to get married before 30.( thats another blog).and then its the baby race. Ladies, what are we racing for?
